Go Ahead, Take Away My Nerd Card

Okay. I give up, StumbleUpon, CNN, Digg, MSNBC, Reddit, etc.--all those services that think I should know about this. I'll admit it.

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I don't know what Twitter is.

Okay, I think I get the concept. You write things. Very short things. "Tweeting," I'm pretty sure. Mobile blogging or something. "I'm eating a sandwich." "Still eating a sandwich." "OMG Dan Abrams and Renee Zellweger are making out at the Ivy." "The olives on this sandwich are somewhat lacking."

But I really don't understand it. I don't even know how one does it. From a phone, I think. Yes?

This is one of those things I could remedy in about sixteen seconds via Wikipedia, but it's kind of liberating to admit near-complete Twitter-oblivion.

An "A Softer World" Moment

Here. Anyway...

She said, "I'm not happy. Ever. With anything. Nothing makes me happy, not even a little."

And I wasn't sure how to respond, mostly because I had hoped that the suicide attempt might have driven the crazy out of her.

Cue sigh.

Why I Hate Coffee Shops

She pushed up her glasses and tugged at her organic-cotton tunic as she told us about her trip to India. He, apparently the breed known as Fidgety Hipster, waggled a Converse-clad foot and gave the appropriate "yeahs" and "mm-hmms." I didn't really know either of them, but I nodded along.

So she gets to the part of the story where she gets introduced as a women's rights activist during a conference. She glows as she explains how, immediately after the conference, she is "surrounded by traditional women," all asking for help gaining rights, begging her to tell them how to advocate for themselves.

"So I told them, 'You just have to be a bitch. You want men to listen to you, just be a total bitch.'"

She was offended but did not seem to catch the irony when I replied , "Are you fucking nuts?"

Oopsy Daisy's Bad Bad 36 Hours

1. Go to car. See parking ticket on windshield.
2. Curse, get in car, tuck ticket in glovebox, turn key. Car doesn't start.
3. Curse. Call boyfriend.
4. Push car to end of block, attach tow rope, tow car into alley. Car gets stuck on way into parking space.
5. Shovel out parking space. Push car in, car doesn't move. Call two more friends to come help. Get car into parking space.
6. Attempt to finish grad school online application. Internet down.
7. Curse. Turn on TV, settle for shitty cartoons. Fall asleep on couch.
8. Wake up. Try car. Car still doesn't start.
9. Yay, found an extension cord. Plug car in. Plug-in doesn't work.
10. Drag extension cord through building to plug-in in laundry room. Wait three hours.
11. Nothin'.
12. Call father, ask to borrow brother's car.
13. Boyfriend gives ride to hometown. Brother's car hasn't been driven in a month.
14. Dig out brother's car. Brother's car doesn't start.
15. Plug in brother's car, stuck in house with brother for four hours, get in big stupid fight with brother.
16. Finally get brother's car started, leave warming up for twenty minutes, go outside and spend twenty minutes scraping anyway.
17. Get on road, spin 270 degrees on ice two blocks away due to brother's shitty rear suspension.
18. Drive home. See snow in driveway, ignore sense of foreboding, pull in, get car stuck.
19. Get out of car, shovel out front tires, reach into pocket, realize you dropped keys somewhere in eighteen-inch-deep snow.
20. Look for keys (10 minutes), curse, cry, call boyfriend.
21. Find keys (15 minutes later). Go inside, thaw out.
22. Agree to go to bar. Forget ID, get kicked out.
23. Go home, get ID, come back, and OH GOD BOYFRIEND IS CHATTING WITH GUY I MADE OUT WITH AT A COUPLE OF PARTIES FIVE YEARS AGO. "Hey, I feel like I know you, too." "You do." "What's your name?" "Allison..." "Oh. OH." Realize that no matter how minor/short-lived faux-romantic connection was, still pretty awkward five years later, and no way to cap off a really awful day.

For maximum impact, reread that with the knowledge that anything dealing with the car took place in a maximum of five degrees Fahrenheit (anything after #15 takes place at a temperature of NEGATIVE TWENTY-FOUR).

Bad Nerd

Guess what? I don't know how to do that nifty "after the jump" thing. A little Googling tells me it may not be possible on Blogger.

So no, this post has absolutely no point other than to slowly bump those slow-loading videos down the page. Also to keep my grad school "personal statement" essay from burning itself into my retinas. Blah blah opportunity blah blah academia blah blah blah. So bump bump bump.

I also wish I could figure out how to archive yearly. Maybe even with those little clicky-arrow things. I'm good with technical terms.

(It is very definitely three in the morning.)

A Belated Top Ten 2007

I had so much fun poking around my iTunes for yesterday's list that I decided to do another, this time for 2007. I paid a lot more attention to music in 2007, mostly because I didn't spend four months of it doing the Death Laser Skull Space Alien Hell Semester. So, after mentally disqualifying M.I.A. since I cheated and stuck her on yesterday's list, I hunted iTunes and the Internet to compile my very favorite songs of 2007. Here you have it:

#10: "Gunpowder and Lead," Miranda Lambert

All right, yesterday I kept the whole "justifying a country song" thing to a minimum, but today...well, this song really is crap. The lyrics are silly and white trash, her voice grates, but somehow, I just couldn't resist this damn song. This is why it's MY top ten, and not by any stretch THE top ten of 2007. I'd just be lying if I didn't stick this one on here.

#9: "Can I Get Get Get," Junior Senior

If you want to see the most terrible dancing ever perpetrated on the planet Earth, you'll be sad to know that nobody ever filmed me when this song came on my iTunes shuffle.

Bonus/#8: "Crayola," Kristin Andreassen and Megan Downes

Okay, this is cheating again since this song dates to 2006, but the video's 2007, and we can pretend (and making a 2006 list sounds like a lot of work). The song, which was recently featured on A Prairie Home Companion is cute as hell, but I'm concerned either for her color vision or her lover's ocular health, since I'm not certain how she can confuse blue, green, AND brown.

#7: "Lip Gloss," Lil Mama

I will never understand why major labels think the free advertising offered by embedding can hurt them, but you can thank them for the fake video. Insert theatrical sigh here. Anyway, I'm not much for hip-hop, but I loved this, as did everyone else on the planet, hence the inclusion.

#6: "What's a Girl to Do," Bat for Lashes

The amazingness of this song is considerably heightened by the creepy Donnie Darko-inspired video, but really, how can anyone resist that keyboard harmony?

#5: "Teenagers," My Chemical Romance

Cheating again--hey, the SINGLE came out in 2007. Of all the little emocore bands or whatever we're calling them (really, I've lost track), My Chem is the one that irritates me least. The posturing seems a little more good-natured, and for me, the songs are catchier than Panic(!) at the Disco or Fall Out Boy. For this one, if a melody ain't broke, just add some playful lyrics and call it good.

#4: "Your Kisses Are Wasted On Me," the Pipettes

This video is almost better than the real one. I waffled between this and "Pull Shapes," but eventually gave it to the first Pipettes' song I ever heard.

#3: "Silver Lining," Rilo Kiley

I love Jenny Lewis in ways that some might consider suspect. This one wins from Under the Blacklight as the best showcase of her eerie and gorgeous voice. I couldn't even find the real video for this one, though, as I recall, it's just as bittersweet and wonderful.

#2: "Clothes Off!," Gym Class Heroes

Is this really my second favorite song of 2007? I'm not sure. I had initially seeded it pretty low, but it knocked Lupe Fiasco's "Superstar" out of the top ten and went on to rise easily through my list. So here it is, and it can thank the power of Stuck-In-My-Head-Ness for its ranking.

#1: "Angel in the Snow," Elliott Smith

Released in 2007. One of my very favorite songs. Elliott can do no wrong.

Top Songs of 2008

All right, I've decided to make a list of my ten favorite songs of 2008. It was tough--I've been out of the music loop more than usual this year (got a shiny new iPod in August), and as I attempted to compile the list I kept having to delete songs from 2007. But here's what I came up with for you:

#10/Honorable Mention: "Paper Planes," M.I.A.

Technically a 2007 song, but revived M.I.A.'s career this summer. I decided to stick this one on the list anyway, since I didn't feel like I could rightfully exclude my ringtone of the past 6 months. (Surprisingly, it doesn't annoy me yet, and it actually generates compliments and head-bobbing from most people within earshot).

#9: "Johnny and June," Heidi Newfield

I do not know what it is about this song--the lyrics aren't great and she doesn't have a very good voice--but I fell in love with it over the summer. I'm going to stop trying to justify it and just deal with the fact that yes, I have a country song on my top 10.

#8: "Bleeding Love," Leona Lewis

Sorry about the video--Sony disables embedding. Anyway, it was between this and her cover of Snow Patrol's "Run," and I decided to go with the catchier single. "Run" is gorgeous, but I could not get this song out of my head.

#7: "Modern World," Anouk

Okay, part of the awesomeness of this song is the video. The song itself, though, is catchy as all hell, and I can never resist a bluesy stomp (see "Black Tongue," Yeah Yeah Yeahs).

#6: "Love Me Dead," Ludo

The local college radio station has gone all to hell in the past two years. This song was its saving grace this year--I always turned it up. Something about "silly + bitter" just appeals to me.

#5: "I Decided," Solange

This was so cute. I liked big sister Beyonce's "Single Ladies," too, but I always had to turn that one off after about a minute and a half (after the "oh-oh-ohs," I'm done). This one I can listen to the whole way through.

#4: "L'Incendie," Vanessa Paradis

Another dumb user video (I fart in Universal's general direction). Check out the real one; it's cute as hell. Again, catchy catchy catchy. A song has done its job when you catch yourself singing it even though you have no idea what the sounds coming out of your mouth actually mean.

#3: "American Boy," Estelle featuring Kanye West

Another homemade video, couldn't even find the real one. This song is amazing and it never failed to make me dance in my car.

#2: "Change is Hard," She & Him

Really, half the songs on this album would have worked, but this one is my personal favorite (though all the experts wet their pants over a different song, "This is Not a Test"). At any rate, who knew Zooey Deschanel was so multitalented? If I had to recommend one album this year, this is it. Of course, it's also the only 2008 album I bought.

#1: "Handlebars," Flobots

I WILL NEVER GET SICK OF THIS SONG. Ever.