Such a Supple Wrist

"I only vaguely remember the movie. It really sucked, but come to think of it, the pinball machine was awesome. And there are a lot of good movies that had shitty pinball machines."

"The worse the movie, the better the pinball machine?"

"Pretty much."

[a beat] "I officially love America. America makes sentences like that possible."

Fashion Police

I admit that, while I have an intense interest in fashion and love looking through the collections shown at various Fashion Weeks, I don't dress particularly well. I'm a t-shirt and jeans kind of girl. So I keep my fashion interests pretty much to myself, well aware of the whole idea of practicing what one preaches.

A guy friend of mine, however, recently triggered an intense outburst of my fashion-forward feelings. Mostly because he showed up at CPJ last night while I was working dressed in this:

1. Black leather jacket. No issues here, other than my own preference for non-dead-thing clothing.

2. Black leather gloves. A little metrosexual or biker (neither of which applies to the friend in question), but I guess I can allow it.

3. Black sneakers. I'm not a big fan of black sneakers, but I recognized these as Shoes for Crews (this pair, I believe, though they may have been a similar pair of Wal-Mart knockoffs), which CPJ encourages its employees to wear. I didn't take much objection to these, since, after all, I've worn them casually, too. I don't even have another pair of regular sneakers, and I'm not above wearing the SFCs when I'm walking a long distance on icy sidewalks or something similarly sole-intensive.

4. A black muscle tee. Oh, god. Ew. I'm reasonably certain that wearing a black muscle tee merits a firing squad in most states. Also, I'm sensing a pattern here.

5. Black gym shorts. Speaking of said pattern, I'm of the general opinion that gothing yourself up is both slightly irritating and pretty played out. Buy some damn blue jeans (and please don't wear them with an entirely blue ensemble, either). Also, muscle tee and gym shorts? In South Dakota in February? It's twenty degrees out; aren't you cold? I can't even leave the house right now without at least two shirts, a wool coat, a scarf, hat, gloves, and pants over tights. Tights are the poor man's longjohns--though I'll go with knee socks on a warmer day.

6. AND BLACK DRESS SOCKS. This was the part of the outfit that sent me reeling, and, when I had recovered, screeching. Dress socks and gym shorts? Oh, holy hell. I mean, seriously, dude, all you had to do was wear pants. Then I wouldn't care what socks you wore. But shiny black gym shorts and black crew socks is a combination from the deepest depths of the 2008 edition of the Little Edie Beale Guide to Random-Ass Dressing.

Okay, okay, I actually admire the punkrockiness of my guy friend for not giving a damn, but that didn't stop me from wanting to tear out my fingernails with needlenose pliers. Pants! Pants. That's all he needed to do for it to not kill me inside. Like I said before, pants in the northern Midwest in February--why not?

This will give me nightmares for years.

Best and Worst of the Internet

I know everyone has already seen this, but I still think it's great:



And for the worst, I link you to the single most hideous fashion show ever to grace the planet. Seriously. Think that pair of patterned tights is disgustingly awful? Just wait, because they'll use it in the next six looks! And then, just when you think it's over, the six models after that will all be wearing the NEXT pair of even uglier tights! And leg-devouring knit Uggs! And giant belts with ten inches of fringe! AND BIG GREEN FLOPPY HATS! I think I counted two, maybe three ensembles that didn't make me want to kill myself in the face with lasers--and even those, just barely.