Oopsy Daisy's Bad Bad 36 Hours
1. Go to car. See parking ticket on windshield.
2. Curse, get in car, tuck ticket in glovebox, turn key. Car doesn't start.
3. Curse. Call boyfriend.
4. Push car to end of block, attach tow rope, tow car into alley. Car gets stuck on way into parking space.
5. Shovel out parking space. Push car in, car doesn't move. Call two more friends to come help. Get car into parking space.
6. Attempt to finish grad school online application. Internet down.
7. Curse. Turn on TV, settle for shitty cartoons. Fall asleep on couch.
8. Wake up. Try car. Car still doesn't start.
9. Yay, found an extension cord. Plug car in. Plug-in doesn't work.
10. Drag extension cord through building to plug-in in laundry room. Wait three hours.
11. Nothin'.
12. Call father, ask to borrow brother's car.
13. Boyfriend gives ride to hometown. Brother's car hasn't been driven in a month.
14. Dig out brother's car. Brother's car doesn't start.
15. Plug in brother's car, stuck in house with brother for four hours, get in big stupid fight with brother.
16. Finally get brother's car started, leave warming up for twenty minutes, go outside and spend twenty minutes scraping anyway.
17. Get on road, spin 270 degrees on ice two blocks away due to brother's shitty rear suspension.
18. Drive home. See snow in driveway, ignore sense of foreboding, pull in, get car stuck.
19. Get out of car, shovel out front tires, reach into pocket, realize you dropped keys somewhere in eighteen-inch-deep snow.
20. Look for keys (10 minutes), curse, cry, call boyfriend.
21. Find keys (15 minutes later). Go inside, thaw out.
22. Agree to go to bar. Forget ID, get kicked out.
23. Go home, get ID, come back, and OH GOD BOYFRIEND IS CHATTING WITH GUY I MADE OUT WITH AT A COUPLE OF PARTIES FIVE YEARS AGO. "Hey, I feel like I know you, too." "You do." "What's your name?" "Allison..." "Oh. OH." Realize that no matter how minor/short-lived faux-romantic connection was, still pretty awkward five years later, and no way to cap off a really awful day.
For maximum impact, reread that with the knowledge that anything dealing with the car took place in a maximum of five degrees Fahrenheit (anything after #15 takes place at a temperature of NEGATIVE TWENTY-FOUR).
2. Curse, get in car, tuck ticket in glovebox, turn key. Car doesn't start.
3. Curse. Call boyfriend.
4. Push car to end of block, attach tow rope, tow car into alley. Car gets stuck on way into parking space.
5. Shovel out parking space. Push car in, car doesn't move. Call two more friends to come help. Get car into parking space.
6. Attempt to finish grad school online application. Internet down.
7. Curse. Turn on TV, settle for shitty cartoons. Fall asleep on couch.
8. Wake up. Try car. Car still doesn't start.
9. Yay, found an extension cord. Plug car in. Plug-in doesn't work.
10. Drag extension cord through building to plug-in in laundry room. Wait three hours.
11. Nothin'.
12. Call father, ask to borrow brother's car.
13. Boyfriend gives ride to hometown. Brother's car hasn't been driven in a month.
14. Dig out brother's car. Brother's car doesn't start.
15. Plug in brother's car, stuck in house with brother for four hours, get in big stupid fight with brother.
16. Finally get brother's car started, leave warming up for twenty minutes, go outside and spend twenty minutes scraping anyway.
17. Get on road, spin 270 degrees on ice two blocks away due to brother's shitty rear suspension.
18. Drive home. See snow in driveway, ignore sense of foreboding, pull in, get car stuck.
19. Get out of car, shovel out front tires, reach into pocket, realize you dropped keys somewhere in eighteen-inch-deep snow.
20. Look for keys (10 minutes), curse, cry, call boyfriend.
21. Find keys (15 minutes later). Go inside, thaw out.
22. Agree to go to bar. Forget ID, get kicked out.
23. Go home, get ID, come back, and OH GOD BOYFRIEND IS CHATTING WITH GUY I MADE OUT WITH AT A COUPLE OF PARTIES FIVE YEARS AGO. "Hey, I feel like I know you, too." "You do." "What's your name?" "Allison..." "Oh. OH." Realize that no matter how minor/short-lived faux-romantic connection was, still pretty awkward five years later, and no way to cap off a really awful day.
For maximum impact, reread that with the knowledge that anything dealing with the car took place in a maximum of five degrees Fahrenheit (anything after #15 takes place at a temperature of NEGATIVE TWENTY-FOUR).
posted by Allison at
1:18 AM
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