Cat Lady

Miss Warszawa (Zowie) Bowie would like to inform the jury that:
- Asparagus ferns are lovely to chew on despite all the Human Roommate's worries about its toxicity.
- In addition, the mother of thousands seedlings from Madagascar, courtesy of the Human Roommate's biology professor, are great fun to pull out of their pots. Extra points for scattering potting soil around as much of the kitchen as possible.
- Thirdly, it is perfectly acceptable to stick your entire face in a bowl of macaroni and cheese if the H.R. is not looking.
- Garbage cans are, in fact, toys.
- Knocking over picture frames is the best way to spend one's time.
- Stoves are best jumped onto when at least one electric burner is bright red.
- If anyone opens the refrigerator door, it is absolutely necessary to run through the house and jump inside.
- All dignified lady cats scatter food pellets absolutely everywhere.

Mister Robert (Bob) Lulu would like to add:
- Miss Warzawa (Zowie) Bowie is stupid and not worthy of cuddles.
- All other mammals in the house are worthy of as many cuddles as possible.
- If a toddler visits, the best way to make him feel at home is to rub your face against his and eat his Goldfish crackers.
- Allison, Dearest Most Wonderful Mother Supreme, is no longer allowed to throw away any cardboard boxes, a.k.a. Awesome Toys and Good Places From Which to Pounce on Zowie.
- The top of the refrigerator is fun! It's got lots of cool stuff to knock down!
- Roger the Giant Teddy Bear is now the sole property of Mister Robert (Bob) Lulu, and shall be used henceforth for kneading and suckling purposes. This is very macho. As is the middle name Lulu.
- Incessant cuddles are not annoying at all. Ever.

Everybody's Gonna Be Happy

Today I made the conscious decision to enjoy my life.

This is not something that Perez Hilton, anhedonia, and a lingering sense of inferiority is going to achieve. So, poof! Let the life-enjoying commence. The first part of which shall be my amused smirk at Bob, who is currently kneading and suckling at a giant teddy bear named Roger.

(Of course, some nasty little nagging voice in the back of my head questions whether it is all really this easy.)

Fishnets, Nightdress

I was driving down the highway yesterday, listening to Arctic Monkeys on the local college station, and I thought, "God, I hate the word tofurkey."

Pleasant to Hear When They Caterwaul

Last night a friend and I drove down to the city...and we sort of came back with a cat. "Sort of" in the sense that we did. I was in the market for a pet mouse, so we went to Petco, which was out of mice. We then went to Petsmart, with the idea of simply looking at the mice; our Petsmart carries females only, and I wasn't interested. On a whim, we walked past the cat adoption center. The kittens were posturing and playing, and three female adult cats were housed separately. The first was a little deep ginger tabby with a white nose and bib; the second was a 9-year-old free fat calico, whom I briefly considered as she slept, but rejected upon seeing that NO was checked next to "Plays well with other cats:".

"Oh, look," Emma said. "This one's got two different colored eyes." At that moment, I knew I was doomed. A few months ago I had joked to another friend, "If I get another cat, I want a girl with two different colored eyes, and I will name her Zowie Bowie." (Coincidentally, the calico later woke up and revealed that she, too, was odd-eyed.) We filled out the forms, paid, and she spent the car trip curled around Emma's neck.

She's the tiniest cat I've ever seen. The vet who spayed and vaccinated her estimated her to be about 9 months old. This makes her still decidedly kittenish; she discovered that clocks tick and spent five minutes diligently trying to catch the second hand. She's got a miniature little body, skinny as a rail, and she's completely white except for a grey spot on her forehead and her little black nose. Her head is so small that it seems to be all eyes, which only accentuates the difference between the blue and the green eye.

She arrived home and instantly stuck a curious nose in Bob's face, who recoiled as if she sprayed acid. She thoroughly explored the house, acquainted herself with Emma, Joe, and me, and played delightedly with a catnip-stuffed giraffe toy that Bob has ignored wholeheartedly for the past three months. Bob reacted by grumpily cuddling each of the humans and fiercely chewing the previously-detested giraffe.

The new kitty even already got in trouble; she decided to try to claw out a window screen, which is the one cat behavior I will not tolerate. One of my parents' cats makes herself cat doors by ripping holes in the nylon screens of any window they leave open. Fortunately, the screens in my apartment are old metal things that could keep elephants inside.

After some deliberation, she was indeed christened Zowie, with the provision that it should be spelled however I feel like spelling it that day. Variations may include Zoe or Zooey, or even Xoey, I suppose. She came very close to being called Mir (yes, like the space station), but I couldn't pass up the Bowie reference, predictable as it may be. Besides, "Mir" came about when Joe suggested Shitsmear (I wish I was kidding), and then decided that Mir was reserved for his next cat.

Unlike Bob, who talks all the time, Zowie rarely meows, though when she does, it's high-pitched and girly (and thus indistinguishable from Bob's voice). She and Bob get along all right, though each has decided that Allison Belongs To Me, which makes for interesting sleeping arrangements--Zowie by my head, Bob on my legs. I'm hoping that they decide to be friends, or, as I explained to Emma, eunuch lovers, if I may use the term loosely.

If I can find my digital camera, I'll see if I can get them to stop growling at each other long enough to pose. They're really quite comical, my white cats--Zowie sleek and tiny and odd-eyed, Bob fluffy and gigantic and polydactyl.

Pessimist

In the past two weeks...
a beloved pet died in my lap
my cat, Nigel (who lived at my boyfriend's house) was hit and killed by a car
my boyfriend lost his job
my boss has forced me to sincerely question his integrity and whether or not I can bear to work for him
I celebrated a birthday I didn't want to have (sue me-- I didn't and don't want to be a twentysomething)
my best friend called me, afraid, because her abusive ex-husband gets out of jail this weekend
someone told me that someone I see every day really, truly dislikes me
after rent and utilities, I'm a lot closer to broke than I can stand

I have gotten four hours of sleep the past two nights. And now I'm just trying to drive home and some douchebag cuts me off in traffic and gives me the finger. I'm listening to The Velvet Underground and Nico, but you know what? I'm not okay. I'm a little stressed out.