Today we're going to play Summarize in a Sentence. (It's a trick borrowed from one of my favorite childhood authors, E. L. Konigsburg.) Why? Because I'm opinionated, that's why. How many? Eleven, you fools. Our theme? Pop music singles.

1. "I Believe in a Thing Called Love," The Darkness: You either love or hate this unabashed Spinal Tap tribute, and cheesily, I believe in a thing called love.

2. "Milkshake," Kelis: As the whitest girl south of the Canadian border, it's kind of embarrassing to admit how much I like this.

3. "Take Me Away," FeFe Dobson: I've heard this song twice and it already makes me want to rip out my intestines and string them through my ears.

4. "Rock Your Body," Justin Timberlake: Everybody's (other) favorite dancin', falsetto-bearin' popstar made a pretty good pop song, but I know a lot of people who still aren't nekkid.

5. "12:51," The Strokes: Between a guitar doing its best impression of a synthesizer and a general "What the fuck are we gonna do tonight?" theme, this song just begs you to play it in your car incessantly.

6. "Ignition (Remix)," R. Kelly: Yeah, it's catchy as hell, but all things considered, R. Kelly really shouldn't be all, "So what, I'm drunk," or he's going to end up somebody's bitch.

7. "Seven Nation Army," The White Stripes: Yet another awesome song in which Jack proves his genius and Meg reassures us of her uselessness.

8. "In Da Club," 50 Cent: Hey, shorty, it's your birthday, and as a present, 50's gonna make a song that doesn't completely suck.

9. "Crazy in Love," Beyonce: After six years, I'm still sick of Beyonce Knowles.

10. "Where is the Love?," Black-Eyed Peas: Everyone I knew kinda wanted to like this song, and everyone I knew ended up just cringing.

11. "Hey Ya!," Outkast: This song just fucking rocked, and it's got its own catchphrase to boot.