This makes Bill Gates look cool. And damn, it's actually catchy.

All right, kids. Now, you must understand that I am no stranger to scary things. I saw Leprechaun, I read Marathon Man, I've heard George W. Bush speak in public (ooh, snap!). But I cower in fear of this.

Before you click that link, let me give you a bit of background information. The clip is made up of real video footage from a Microsoft developers conference, and the freak parading around on stage is Steve Balmer. Steve Balmer is Microsoft's Steve Wozniak (what is it with Steves and computer companies?). He's the King to Bill Gates' Ace, and I'll be the first to admit that I never understood why anyone would choose Bill Gates to be the public face of their company. Bill Gates is one of the biggest losers in the world, so why would you pick him to be your posterboy? The answer: because Steve Balmer, this guy, is your alternative.

As the site puts it, "Hold me, mommy."