Jessie and I went to Brookings and caught the late show of Mona Lisa Smile last night. We had nothing to do, and she had free movie tickets.

Wow, does that movie suck.

I didn't expect it to be as bad as it was. I had done the mental checklist: "Julia Roberts? Hate with a flaming passion. Marcia Gay Harden? No opinion. Kirsten Dunst? Eh. Julia Stiles? Like. Maggie Gyllenhaal? Love. Topher Grace? Adore." I guess I figured it couldn't be horrible with a big-name cast like that. Now that I've seen it, all I can think is, "What were Topher and Maggie thinking?"

Jess and I sat in front of a terribly stereotypical teenage couple, very obviously on a date. The girl was a sin against nature; she was the type who's convinced she's cuter than cute. In reality, she's fake blonde, way overtanned, too glittery for her own good, and wearing the world's ugliest "Vogue-says-it's-sexy" coat. Her boyfriend was a very nondescript 17ish guy.

As the movie ended and the credits started rolling, I couldn't help but loudly declare, "That sucked!" Blondie was insulted, but her boyfriend muttered, "Thank you."

Jessie has declared Mona Lisa Smile "the worst Julia Roberts movie ever." I hate Julia Roberts, so I haven't seen enough of her films to say, but it was pretty awful. I seriously doubt it was the worst; Mona Lisa was only cringe-inducingly bad, whereas Erin Brockovich or Runaway Bride both appear to be jaw-droppingly bad. I can't judge.

I can tell you this though: the critics are right. This movie is a girls' version of Dead Poets Society. Except that it sucks a whole lot more. And I don't even like Dead Poets Society.

In conclusion: for the love of God, don't see Mona Lisa Smile.