School started two hours late because of snow today. I hate school.

One of the bit players in the school play is sick, and the director asked me to fill in for her. I agreed to do so. You know, I thought I could do it. I really did. But when I went in to practice after school, it just became utterly clear that I could not. I was terrified. I explained the situation to the director, and she let me go home.

It's not that I can't act; I'm decent at that. It's more that I just can't get in front of people.

I know I'm shy. I guess I just never realized how so. My friends mention it when they introduce me to other people, but I always thought that I was simply more of an observer. When I meet somebody, I don't want to talk to them. It takes me an hour or two to get comfortable enough to say much.

Being in speech class killed me last year. Every time I had to deliver a presentation, I'd start silently freaking out. My friend Rachel tells me that you can't really tell that I've got stage fright; apparently I hide it well. When I did the community play three years ago, I puked before every performance.

Maybe I could have filled in if there had been more time to practice (the performance is tonight). Maybe I could have done it if I had just taken better control of my nerves. I don't know. I'm not emergency understudy material.