Tuesday, January 17, 2006

I Can't Believe I Devoted Time to This

So...last night, I watched the last half of Terminator 2: Judgment Day with El Boyfriend-o and his Idiot Roommate, Cody. Cody and I then had a huge argument about the space-time continuum.

Now, I've never seen the first half of T2, but Cody tells me that the plot is something like this: Annoying Child Actor (using the term "acting" very loosely here, folks) grows up to be Badass General who leads the Anti-Terminator Revolution. All the Terminators then have a Super Awesome Idea: send Jelly Terminator back in time to kill Annoying Child Actor so that the future Terminator Society doesn't have to deal with Badass General. Now, I'm all for killing Annoying Child Actor, but, as I attempted to explain to Cody, the logic is flawed. Jelly Terminator cannot kill Annoying Child Actor without altering the space-time continuum. (Disclaimer: this all assumes linear time, of course.)

1) Badass General is a pain.
2) Jelly Terminator goes back in time.
3) Jelly Terminator kills Annoying Child Actor.
4) Annoying Child Actor never grows up to be Badass General.
5) Badass General doesn't exist, so there's no reason to go back in time to kill Annoying Child Actor.
6) Therefore, Annoying Child Actor is never killed by Jelly Terminator.
7) Since Annoying Child Actor is all not dead and stuff, he grows up to be Badass General.
8) World ends, assuming that time can't simply repeat in a ceaseless loop.

I outlined this issue, and Cody immediately attacked it, saying it didn't make sense, and something about how if Annoying Child Actor was killed, the Hot Action Mom would become the Badass General and time travel would be necessary. I pointed out that, if Hot Action Mom was the Badass General, the Jelly Terminator would go back in time and kill her, not the kid. This could go on forever and ever until the Jelly Terminator had killed every would-be Badass General except Edna Mae, the 97-Year-Old Flaming Queer Drag Queen, who, presumably, would be easy enough to kill during the present-day and wouldn't require time travel.

Besides, his explanation completely flies in the face of Occam's Razor...we can't just assume that Hot Action Mom would fulfill Annoying Child Actor's destiny. Cody vehemently disagreed with this, because, according to him, I am Wrong, simply because I am Wrong, and Who Cares Because I Am Wrong.

So, yes, I'm overanalytical, but Cody's a douchebag, so I Win.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sounds like it was an easy debate! Maybe you and Joe should box Cody up and send him to a school of Zen Buddhism where he'll be forced to answer koans all day: what did your face look like before you were born, what is the sound of one hand clapping, etc.

3:13 PM  

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