MURDER!

My roommate killed my fucking fish!

I caught her yesterday. She was feeding Helen. I said, "You know, I fed her already." "Yeah, I know you do, but I feed her, too."

That's the point where I should have slammed her into the wall and cracked her with a desk lamp, but I just said, "Overfeeding is the easiest way to kill a fish."

Surprise, surprise, I had to perform a burial at sea when I woke up this morning. I've never had a fish live less than a year. Helen lasted four days. I am so fucking pissed. And then, here's the kicker...when I told my roommate, she...

...LAUGHED. As in, "He he, that's too bad."

So I killed her.

I am getting a Helen II this weekend, and this time, I will very pointedly tell The Roommate, "Look, she's not 'our' fish. She's not your fish. She's my fish, bitch, and I'ma smack you upside the head every time you even look at her."

And then I'll kill her.