The Amazing Technological Advance I Call the Icebox
Yesterday Cody freaked out at me for leaving Eggos in the freezer for six weeks. He says I'm disgusting and that they'll spoil and get freezerburn.
I said, "Um, dude, they're frozen. And Eggos don't spoil. And it's only been six weeks. And 'freezerburn' on Eggos amounts to a little chunk of frost that falls off as soon as you take the Eggo out of the bag. And you're a moron." Okay, I actually didn't say anything; I pretended I didn't hear him. I'm doing my best not to fly into a rage and kill him.
That was a couple of hours after he accused me and Joe of eating all his hamburger buns. I suppose we did that simply because we're evil; it's not like Joe bought the hamburger buns on the counter. Cody flipped out on us, telling us we know we can't eat his food. "We didn't," of course, wasn't a sufficient explanation. Apparently, it also didn't warrant an apology when he found his hamburger buns in the deep freeze.
We have this food war all the time. Keep in mind that Joe and I fed Cody for two weeks when they first got the house. That was the amount of time it took for Cody to get off his ass and shop for himself. His first warning, of course, was that we'd better not eat any of his food.
He also does weird things like keep one of the glasses in his room because it's "his" glass. Never mind that I bought it. No one else is allowed to use it. He also does annoying things like keep the rest of our dishes in his room because he's a lazy son of a bitch and can't put them in the sink like a normal person. That's usually just before he comes out and yells at me and Joe about how we're so stupid for not using paper plates because "it's so much easier."
He went on the paper plate tirade again yesterday (he does it about twice a week); I pointed out that 60% of the dirty dishes were ones that he used. After being yelled at for ten minutes, I then told him he was a lazy piece of shit and should do the dishes. (He has done them exactly three times--including last night--in the two months he and Joe have lived together. He has not cleaned once. One of Joe's buddies from high school stayed over when he needed a place to crash in Brookings; when we got home from work that night, the house was spotless. That guy did more in six waking hours than Cody has done in eight weeks.) At any rate, Cody finally did the dishes with much clattering and banging (and one broken glass), but refused to put them away.
One time, Cody drank half a gallon of milk that I bought, and I didn't say a word. The next day, he bought a half-gallon of milk and wrote "C"'s all over it, with CODY'S MILK written in the middle. When Cody went to work, Joe solemnly picked up a permanent marker and added AND JOE'S SEMEN.
I am a little worried about Joseph's personal habits.
I said, "Um, dude, they're frozen. And Eggos don't spoil. And it's only been six weeks. And 'freezerburn' on Eggos amounts to a little chunk of frost that falls off as soon as you take the Eggo out of the bag. And you're a moron." Okay, I actually didn't say anything; I pretended I didn't hear him. I'm doing my best not to fly into a rage and kill him.
That was a couple of hours after he accused me and Joe of eating all his hamburger buns. I suppose we did that simply because we're evil; it's not like Joe bought the hamburger buns on the counter. Cody flipped out on us, telling us we know we can't eat his food. "We didn't," of course, wasn't a sufficient explanation. Apparently, it also didn't warrant an apology when he found his hamburger buns in the deep freeze.
We have this food war all the time. Keep in mind that Joe and I fed Cody for two weeks when they first got the house. That was the amount of time it took for Cody to get off his ass and shop for himself. His first warning, of course, was that we'd better not eat any of his food.
He also does weird things like keep one of the glasses in his room because it's "his" glass. Never mind that I bought it. No one else is allowed to use it. He also does annoying things like keep the rest of our dishes in his room because he's a lazy son of a bitch and can't put them in the sink like a normal person. That's usually just before he comes out and yells at me and Joe about how we're so stupid for not using paper plates because "it's so much easier."
He went on the paper plate tirade again yesterday (he does it about twice a week); I pointed out that 60% of the dirty dishes were ones that he used. After being yelled at for ten minutes, I then told him he was a lazy piece of shit and should do the dishes. (He has done them exactly three times--including last night--in the two months he and Joe have lived together. He has not cleaned once. One of Joe's buddies from high school stayed over when he needed a place to crash in Brookings; when we got home from work that night, the house was spotless. That guy did more in six waking hours than Cody has done in eight weeks.) At any rate, Cody finally did the dishes with much clattering and banging (and one broken glass), but refused to put them away.
One time, Cody drank half a gallon of milk that I bought, and I didn't say a word. The next day, he bought a half-gallon of milk and wrote "C"'s all over it, with CODY'S MILK written in the middle. When Cody went to work, Joe solemnly picked up a permanent marker and added AND JOE'S SEMEN.
I am a little worried about Joseph's personal habits.
posted by Allison at
11:28 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home