Problem with America Number 438,000: it's easier for an alcoholic crack addict to get a job than it is for a 16-year-old trying to save some money for college.

I cannot find myself a real job. I have my typesetting job on Mondays, but that's only four hours a week. $96 a month just isn't going to cut it.

You have to be 17 to work at Blockbuster, 18 for Wal-Mart. I could apply at Hy-Vee, but Trisha works there and she says the managers are evil. Burger King isn't hiring, and Dairy Queen only employs ditzy blondes. All the other Brookings locales hire strictly by nepotism and ass-kissing.

I refuse to go back to my old cashier job at the local grocery store. My boss called me up and offered, but there's no way I'm going to work under my old manager (The Grand High Queen Bitch). No, no, no, no. For Chrissakes, I'd like to think I have a little dignity left.

Colleges are crazy. The cost of tuition and room and board keep going up, all while more and more corporations are raising the age limit on employees. How the hell is somebody supposed to afford college? (Oh, right, we don't. We get ourselves into crazy amounts of debt and go to our third-choice schools.)

God help me--I'm currently filling out an application for McDonald's. How am I supposed to lead the Revolution if I have a McJob?