Once upon a time there was a boy named Jonathan Fire*Eater. Unfortunately, young Jonathan was a literalist, and he really did eat fire. He suffered horrible burns to his face, mouth, and throat. Jonathan died, and nobody came to his funeral because he was "that dumb kid who ate fire." Not even Jonathan's family came because they were mad at him for being stupid enough to try to eat fire. It all would have been very sad for Jonathan, but he was dead, so he didn't know anything.

THE END