Ok, ok, I'm getting desperate. I have to build a truss-type bridge out of balsa wood and glue by April 25th, and I have no idea what a truss does to make a bridge stronger. I honestly have no clue. I don't know how the physics works. I'm not a civil engineer, and I don't know any. I think I'm doomed.

I'd ask Monster about it, but I keep forgetting. He's good at that kind of thing. I think mechanics and engineering and all that technical crap just comes naturally to him. On Saturday, he explained to me how lightbulbs work, ways to light steel wool on fire under water, and what a spark plug does. He also attempted to teach me what the third and low gears were on my car; he got as far as "applies torque," and I had to tell him to shut up. Torque is evil, and it's just one of those things that I will never understand. It's kind of like the infield fly rule or what constitutes a first down in football; I've given up.

I've discovered that there are certain things you should never say around a group of guys, and one of them is, "There's more than one spark plug on a car?" I'll be paying for that one for ages.

But I digress. Bridge-building. Doom. Fiery pits of hell and whatnot. I think I'll just hide until the project goes away.