At lunch in the school cafeteria, I sit at what has been affectionately dubbed "the Weird Kid Table."

Why the Weird Kid Table, you ask? Well, frankly, the main topic of conversation for the last couple of days has bounced between useless guidance counselors, orange foods, transmission of various stripes of herpes, and The Return of the King. (As the only regular there who's actually read the book, I'm never allowed to say anything during a Return... conversation, lest I accidentally spoil the ending.) Between that and regular rounds of the dead celebrities game, most of the people the Weird Kids don't like steer clear.

The Weird Kid table is made up of two varieties of people: the Intentional Outcast and the Grub. While one and the same at first glance, these groups are very distinct, and each has its own qualities.

The Intentional Outcasts are the regulars. These creatures have a strict seating arrangement and do most of the talking. They founded the Weird Kid table, and they have no intention of ever leaving it. They have no desire to sit anywhere else. While usually docile, Intentional Outcasts can be quite violent when provoked. Provocation can include anything from someone else sitting in their seat to cheap sex jokes. Jessie is usually considered the most dangerous, as she is in a terminally bad mood. Approach with caution (especially after her chemistry class). There is a grudging respect for the Intentional Outcasts (or at least they'd like to think so). They tend to get visited by other cliques, often against their will. An Intentional Outcast has no trouble associating with members of other groups.

The Grubs are...well, grubby. The Grubs make up the minority of the Weird Kid table (two seats), but they overflow into the next table. The Grubs are at the bottom of the high school pecking order. They are outcasts, but they desperately wish they weren't. They sit at the Weird Kid table in an attempt to establish an identity. Members of other cliques have no interest in them other than as targets of insults. At the Weird Kid table, Grubs find a safe haven, for the Intentional Outcasts provide a sort of protection by exuding little waves of "For God's sake, go away" that temporarily disable any would-be bullies.

The main differences between the Intentional Outcasts and the Grubs are these: Grubs think the Intentional Outcasts are cool. Intentional Outcasts think Johnny Depp and the Beatles are cool and that the Grubs most certainly are not. Grubs think the Intentional Outcasts like them. Intentional Outcasts wish the Grubs would go away, but won't say it. Each Grub has a desire to be an Intentional Outcast one day. Every Intentional Outcast is deathly afraid that he or she will be, or that he or she already is, a Grub at heart.