Revelation: I am a pretentious bitch.

My father chastised me yesterday, telling me that you can't use the word "thespian" in a rural newspaper because people around here don't know what it means. My response? "It's not my fault that they're stupid." I relented though, and the thespian reference was removed.

As I was writing my English essay today, I caught myself making allusions to Orwell and using the phrase "if you will" (NPR, anyone?). Worst of all, I actually penned (penned being the word of the day) the following words: "A jack-of-all-trades is worth nothing in the end, as he is a mere pillar of mediocrity." I'm going to go vomit, and then I'll cut off my fingers to prevent myself from writing such drivel in the future.

In an attempt to atone for my transgres--er, sins, I threw a Devo reference into the essay and then told the baby joke to a few more people. God help me.