Yesterday was bad. Today is worse.

I can't concentrate on anything. I think I bombed my physics test today. My physics teacher frustrates me. She grades by completion, and rather than actually have us turn in assignments, she comes around and signs this assignment sheet. When I was sick two weeks ago I didn't get the sheet signed for the assignment that day. I didn't realize that I hadn't gotten the signature, and she never told me I was missing a grade. She gave me a zero for an assignment that I fucking did.

I keep fucking up my Spanish tests. I can't remember anything; every day I have to reteach myself the previous day's lesson so that I can take the quiz. I usually have a fantastic memory, but it doesn't cooperate anymore. My grades are slipping drastically as a result.

You know what? I can't bring myself to care. None of it matters in the long run. Sure, it'll bring down my quarter grades, but who really gives a fuck? Besides my father, that is. I don't care. If I'm not valedictorian, what's the worst he can do?

We've been watching Saving Private Ryan in history for the last three days. I don't really remember what happened today. They found Matt Damon. Something about a bridge. Giovanni Ribisi died. Germans died. Everybody died.

At one point, I remember these German soldiers were jumping off a tank and they were on fire. They were screaming, and they were burning to death. But I'm not supposed to care that they're in searing, unthinkable pain because A.) they're the bad guys, and B.) they're not the main characters anyway. It's just a movie, but things like that happen in real life all the time.

First we watched Schindler's List, and now this. I don't want to watch people die anymore. I know they're just movies, but...they're not.

As I walked out of that class, all I could think about was how much death there is in the world. Stupid observation, I know. But everybody dies. And some people die horribly. Some people die long, slow deaths filled with torture and pain. They linger for days, weeks, months, years.

And then I got to thinking that even those horrible "longest days/weeks/months/years of your life" aren't long at all. You're so fucking insignificant. Even when you have those few weeks of unbearable pain, that's what, three weeks of trillions since the beginning of the universe? It's all so fucking insignificant.

That's when I thought: Ok, so I've had a bad day. You know what? What's one day in a quadrillion? What does one day matter? I'm one person in billions. What do I matter? I'm so tiny and useless, and I don't mean anything when it all comes down to it. We're all like that. With the exception of maybe Jesus/Mohammed/Buddha/whatever, we all mean nothing in the universe at large.

And even the Physical Manifestation of God...does he/she matter? Hell, does God matter? If He does, wouldn't that mean that He only matters because He decided that He mattered? After all, God makes up all that shit. And if that's true, does that mean that I'll matter if I decide that I matter? I don't think it works that way. If God only does matter because He decided that he mattered, does that mean He's a selfish bastard? I doubt it; I guess that it probably just means that I'm ignorant.

Hardly original, I know. What does my lack of originality matter? What does your trivial opinion matter? What does this rambling, incoherent rant matter? What does anything matter?

"I'M SIGNIFICANT!" screamed the dust speck.