Nice Day to Could We Start Again, Please?

Among the things I would like NOT to do at the next wedding I go to:

1. Go stag.
2. Sit next to a ridiculously beautiful girl the ushers keep hitting on.
3. Have my phone ring during the middle of the vows. (I would SWEAR I turned it off. I know I tried to turn it off. I suck. At least it wasn't loud.)
4. The awkward small talk with a bunch of people I barely know.
5. Feel out of place.
6. Pictures. Ugh.
7. Slip on the freshly waxed floor of the reception hall and fall on my ass. Embarrassing. Oh well, that (and the frigid weather) made me very glad that I did decide to wear tights.
8. Speaking of tights, I would kill if the eczema on my legs would behave and not flare before an occasion befitting a dress one of these days.
9. Get a headsplitting migraine during the reception and have to leave early.
10. Sleep through the rest of the reception.

This officially beats my friend Lisa's wedding as Worst Wedding Experience Ever. I mean, with that one I didn't have anything to wear, had mono, was too weak to stand during the standing parts of the service, and nearly threw up on the car ride home after we left the dinner early, but at least I had a.) a date, and b.) a total lack of fall-related humiliation.

Honestly, I wish I had fallen at Lisa's wedding instead. At least there I didn't know anyone and wouldn't be reinforcing all my high school classmates' perceptions of me as a clumsy, awkward, dorky klutz. I mean, the perceptions are true, but what I wouldn't give to be graceful.