Now it's snowing.

Went up north to shop; apparently bad weather brings out the mullets. I scored a record 85 points in the mullet game.

For those of you who haven't been initiated, the mullet game is a people-watching activity. It's native to South Dakota (well, my version is anyway), and works best in the Midwest and the South. I could probably do better at it if I gave up every shred of my integrity and went to Sturgis one of these years, but then I'd probably go insane.

(On a side note, Sturgis is a yearly motorcycle festival held out in Sturgis, a town by Mount Rushmore. It's pretty much an excuse for accountants from Florida to wear leather and ride Harleys up here and pretend that they're badasses. Don't bother trying. We know you drive a minivan every other day of the year. Just because we're hicks doesn't mean we're stupid.)

Anyway, here's the official point system for the mullet game:
5 points: Run-of-the-mill mullet. Must be a white male anywhere from the ages of 18 to 59.
10 points: Old guy mullet. The sporter must be at least 60 years old (or look it). These are rarer; most people have come to their senses by then. If you can get a discount at Perkins, you're too old for a mullet. Hell, you're always too old for a mullet.
10 points: Teen mullet. Any guy with the hairstyle that's under 18 but old enough to know better.
15 points: Child mullet. This one is worth more points because it's extra cruel. Parents, don't be mean. Let your kid get a regular haircut. If another member of the family has a mullet, you get all the points plus a bonus five for family mulletude.
15 points: The femullet. Any woman with a mullet. Teen/child mullets on girls earn points for both the age and gender (i.e., a little girl with a mullet is worth 30 points). There's no such thing as the "old" mullet here; a good majority of femullets belong to senile old ladies.
15 points: The skullet. This is when the wearer is bald, but is still trying for the look. Gives new meaning to the whole "short in front, long in back" saying.
20 points: The rat-tail. Here we have the mullet's younger, white-trashier cousin. In first grade, I knew a kid named Matt who had a pretty impressive rat-tail. Almost always found on children.
25 points: The Native American mullet. Out of the ordinary, but trust me, it's out there.
50 points: The Meximullet. Any Hispanic/Latin mullet. Pretty rare.
100 points: The Mullet-of-Other-Origin. This is for mullets that are neither caucasian, N.A., nor Hispanic. I've never seen one, but they must exist.

And that, my friends, is the Mullet Game. Have fun. By the way, I've never felt more redneckish than right now. Yes, I've devoted hours to developing and practicing this pasttime. Leave me alone.